ox·y·mo·ron/ˌäksəˈmôrˌän/Noun: A figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction (e.g.,faith unfaithful kept him falsely true).
sometimes I wonder how I put one foot in front of the other. in the literal and figurative sense.
those moments you get so frustrated with yourself that you can’t stand it. as a creative, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.
i am a walking, talking oxymoron.
- creatively anal
- free-spirited perfectionist
- compliantly stubborn
- authoritative follower
- self-conscious know-it-all
- brave worrier
- impressively normal
- imaginative conformist
these (among others too numerous to count) are my “stuck” places. the in between flashes of frustration with myself. the flashes of doubt that turn into hours. waiting for my brain and heart to decide who the winner is.
current loud whisperings – will my need to create a “signature” look smack down the part of me that just wants to keep trying new stuff - will my need for perfection get in the way of letting go of the messy parts that others may actually find beauty in – and - will i consistently worry about everything until the emerging brave part of me gives up?
gosh i hope not.
ps. this rambling is brought to you by the intense internal battle to paint over this painting and start over. (committed do-over’s) more on this to come.